Ana Erickson, Features Editor
Last Sunday, Aug. 30, Miley Cyrus hosted MTV’s Video Music Awards. From beginning to end, the show spiraled further and further into nonsense. It’s been touted on the Internet as “the most interesting VMAs in five years.” If you missed it, here’s why it’s acquired such a description.
Visionary, Milk Absorber (Jaden Smith)
Jaden Smith is known, by now, for his eccentricity and oddly introspective tweets (which you can see at @OfficialJaden on Twitter). He is peculiar, but in a way where his weirdness doesn’t become predictable; he’s just being Jaden, but you never know who Jaden will be. At the VMAs, he made milk the new it-beverage. He showed up with a carton of it and sipped it throughout the show. Smith ditched the after-parties to take selfies with fans and his beloved dairy.
Vicious Musicians Attacking (Nicki vs. Miley)
“Miley, what’s good?” was the shot heard ‘round the pop culture world on Sunday night. When the VMA nominations came out, Nicki Minaj made composed statements on why her video “Anaconda” should have been nominated for Video of the Year. Minaj stated that the video was “everywhere,” and it was: everywhere between Halloween costumes and Ellen Degeneres’ show.
Minaj suspected that she was snubbed because of her race and musical genre, as many performers have been before. Right before the VMAs, Miley Cyrus promptly responded, stating that Minaj had “no right” to be angry and that she didn’t deserve any respect. Minaj was slated to introduce Cyrus on stage that night, so she used her microphone time to call her out on her ignorance.
Vile Miley’s Album (Miley)
After a cringe-inducing performance of her new single, “Dooo It,” Miley Cyrus joked about how she wished she’d put out an album in 2015. At the end of the night, she announced a “surprise” album, much like Beyoncé’s self-titled in 2013. However, the album, Miley Cyrus and her Dead Petz, is nowhere near the Queen B’s caliber. It’s closer in quality to Rebecca Black’s “Friday,” but with more meaningless lyrics. If you really want to hear it, the album is up for free on Soundcloud.
Vanguard Makes Announcement (Kanye)
Kanye West received the Video Vanguard award, MTV’s Lifetime Achievement Award. West took his time on stage as an opportunity to publicly apologize to Taylor Swift for interrupting her onstage in 2009. He branched off into a speech about encouraging the “kids” and admitted that he had smoked a joint backstage, to “knock the edge off.” West then announced that he would be running for president in 2020 and dropped the microphone.
Vocalist’s Meaningful Appreciation (Justin)
Pop music’s oft-mocked prince, Justin Bieber, broke down with emotion and sobbed openly after his performance on Sunday night. After much pestering from the media, he explained that his tears were of joy, not sorrow. He said that after being booed on the VMA stage last year, it was moving to hear cheers from the crowd. Bieber has been mocked by tabloids as being “unmanly” for crying on stage, but The Biebz was simply showing how much his fans mean to him.
Vulgar Mistake, Australian (Rebel Wilson)
Too soon, Rebel Wilson. It was as if the Australian comedian was attempting to one-up Miley at her poor taste when she made light of police brutality. Rebel came on stage dressed as a “sexy” policewoman and complained that the real issue with today’s police are that stripper cops are not doing their jobs. She referred to mediocre dances as the true “injustice.” In one five-minute skit, Rebel Wilson mocked and invalidated the tragic police altercations that have affected so many lives in recent months.