Many people find love in their hometown or through a club they’ve joined, but there are a handful of relationships that find their love in another state, or maybe even overseas. Whatever the distance, there is something hard to decipher in every relationship: how to make it last. From personal experience and outside sources, here’s how to make a long distance relationship last — the do’s and don’ts.
“Home is not where you are from, it is where you belong. Some of us travel the whole world to find it. Others find it in a person.” —Beau Taplin
Do
1). Do communicate as much as possible.
Especially in long distance relationships, communication is important. However, don’t overload your partner or exhaust all of your time and energy on your significant other. Always remember to prioritize self-care and alone time.
2). Do remind them how much they mean to you.
My boyfriend has the amazing habit of sending me a goodnight message and occasionally a good morning message about how much I mean to him (even from 4,349 miles away), and it always makes me smile. Even though I am working when he’s going to sleep, him sending me a text to tell me he loves me and seeing it when I wake up reminds me that I mean something to him. Sometimes I even send him poetry (I know, very cheesy) or tell him about a song that reminds me of us, and he always smiles.
In 2023, online platform for Brides magazine published an article by Alyson Krueger, which featured an interview of Kavita Patel, a life and relationship coach. Patel said, “Doing a check-in during the mornings and in the evenings before going to bed is also really important. That way you feel like you’ve connected at the beginning and end of your days. That way even though you aren’t physically together you still feel like you are part of each other’s days.”
“If my voice could reach back through the past I’d whisper in your ear, ‘Oh darling I wish you were here.'” —Owl City
Don’ts
1). Don’t get mad if your significant other has other plans that mean you can’t speak to one another.
The major problem with long distance love is time; different time zones, schedules, and a lack of being able to speak in person. When your significant other has plans or friends and you can’t talk, jealousy and irritation can arise. You just have to be conscious of where it’s coming from. Is it really the lack of time? Or is it insecurity and fear? If it is the former, then make time for them to do something over facetime or just to talk. If it’s the latter, you need a serious talk with your significant other.
In 2023, Samantha Vincenty wrote an article for Self Magazineinterviewing Dr. Rachel Hoffman, a licensed therapist. “When people don’t find a way to communicate that they’re feeling insecure, they tend to blame their partner instead,” Dr. Hoffman said. “It becomes, ‘You’re avoiding me,’ or ‘You’re not answering my calls,’ instead of identifying what the real issue is.”
2). Don’t listen to others’ pessimism.
I have heard many opinions about my decision to have a long distance relationship. Right now my mind is barring itself from listening. However, you may find yourself unable to block out the concern of others. It’s important to dig your heels in and not question yourself on “Is this right? Is this doable?” What you should really ask yourself is, “Are they worth it? Do I like/love them?” Your relationship is about what you, not everyone else.
Basically, long-distance is what you make of it. Finding little ways to connect that work for you and your partner is the most important part. What works for others may not for you, and that’s okay. Be kind and gentle, and don’t forget to have a little fun with it.