“See it, Stream it, Skip it” is a movie review column that serves to give readers two to three spoiler-free reviews every week of new box office films and report back on whether they should see it now, wait until it comes to streaming services, or skip it all together.
Love Hurts :
Rated: R
Plot Summary: Former crime lord-turned-realtor Marvin is shocked when his ex-girlfriend, Rose, threatens to upend his life. Marvin will have to face Rose and his brother, crime lord ‘Knuckles,’ if he wants to keep his cozy, crime-free life.
‘Love Hurts’ is, without a doubt, one of the worst movies I’ve seen in theaters.
At every turn, ‘Love Hurts’ lives by “tell, don’t show.” Terrible, cheesy, exposition-filled voiceovers from characters jam loosely related information down the audience’s throat as they try to find any scrap of enjoyability out of the film.
I’m incredibly disappointed that a movie headlined by actor Ke Huy Quan (‘Loki’ S2, ‘Everything Everywhere All At Once’), an Asian-American actor who is finally getting some much-deserved recognition, fell so flat in the role of Marvin Gables due to an abhorrent script.
Watching ‘Love Hurts’ felt like a third of the movie was missing. The script and premise have promise, but heavy rewrites would need to be added to fix the abundance of issues ‘Love Hurts’ delivers.
Possibly the only redeeming quality of ‘Love Hurts’ is the fight choreography. The scenes between Gables and bounty hunter “The Raven” (played by Mustafa Shakir) really impressed me.
It’s not enough to save the movie, however. The climatic final fight scene, while having exciting choreography, is bogged down by mind-numbing and disappointing dialogue. By the time the credit roll, audiences will be in shock that they spent a penny and two hours of their precious free time to watch ‘Love Hurts’.
‘Love Hurts’ really doesn’t know what film it is. Its conclusion would suggest this is supposed to be a romantic thriller for the Valentine’s Day season, but ‘Love Hurts’ is no more a Valentine’s Day movie than Die Hard is a Christmas movie – they both take place on their respective holiday, big whoop.
Simply put, don’t see ‘Love Hurts.’ Save your time and donate your movie ticket money to a single friend in need during this trying holiday.
FINAL VERDICT:
SKIP IT!
1.5 / 5 STARS
Heart Eyes :
Rated: R
Plot Summary: Ally, a marketer for a jewelry company, meets dreamy Jay Simmons, who has been brought in by her boss to take her job. When Ally and Jay go to dinner on Valentine’s Day to discuss business proposals, they are mistaken for a couple by the Heart Eyes Killer, a serial killer who brutally murders couples every Valentine’s Day. Will the not-a-couple survive the night, and maybe fall in love in the process?
Heart Eyes masterfully blends the genres of Rom-Com and Thriller, delivering the goriest movie I’ve ever seen while staying funny and almost lighthearted.
‘Heart Eyes’ appeal comes from its ability to weave heartfelt humor – both visually and through dialogue – in between moments of utter terror. While the killer’s mystique can feel a little much at times, the movie’s relatable characters ground what could otherwise be an overwhelming and fast-paced story.
‘Heart Eyes’ doesn’t have big names attached to it, but prospective viewers may know director Josh Ruben. A former employee for the YouTube channel CollegeHumor, his box office debut could finally break him out of the indie film scene and greenlight whatever future horror projects he desires.
‘Heart Eyes’ has some graphic kills that can only be described as incredible. The most brutal kill (which is unfortunately spoiled in the trailer) showcases a man getting stabbed through the mouth, and then his partner’s head is violently slammed onto the knife’s handle, creating a disgusting window through her mouth and the back of her throat.
‘Heart Eyes’ is bloody and gory, but even if these things make you squeamish, you’ll probably be amazed at what ‘Heart Eyes’ is able to accomplish in only 97 minutes of runtime.
If you are a horror or thriller fanatic, ‘Heart Eyes’ should be seen ASAP. Romance fans, if you can handle some blood, you too will find this movie fascinating and oddly heartwarming (but bring a friend if you scare easily.)
FINAL VERDICT:
SEE IT!
4.5 / 5 STARS